I can't sleep and its a been awhile since I really let my thoughts out somewhere. I don't care if people read my journal entries or not because I don't write for them but for myself.
I wonder if Dian clicked on to why I was ignoring her on msn for so long...she did start a conversation with me by commenting my display picture...
I felt like an idiot making the effort with her all the time when she never really bothers with me, she always makes excuses not to do anything with me but has plans with my other friends. I felt like I wasn't spending enough time with Ashley when she finally stopped wagging college and had to turn up. Ashley was always there, and I know he always will be because we get each other like that. I enjoy his company even if he can be a bit too bitchy for my taste at times, he's still one a kind and I don't want to do anything that might threaten that. I feel like he's too good a friend to me. He will be at college next year too, Dian might go to uni or she might not-I can't really tell at this point. There was a point in the year when I didn't think she would be going anywhere next year, she lied to me a lot this past year...and when I confronted her about it she would lie again to cover it up and I would hear something else from others. If she goes to uni would she even stay in contact because we're not that close anymore, I got 37% on some facebook quiz on how well I know her and she hasn't even tried to take mine-just shows where our friendship is heading huh
I know Katie will always be there, no matter where she is we've stayed in touch and catch up almost every day and I miss her so much when she's not here. She's at uni in Nottingham and I'm so proud of her to get where she wants to be XD
I want Dian to get what she wants from life too but if you want to go places, you have to put the effort in. She always thought Dewi made a huge mistake by dropping out of college and going into full time work, I did too but everyones different. We all work in different ways. Dewi doesn't get English Language GCSE and I don't get Maths GCSE.
Moving away from my closest friends, its time for another kidney operation-I only had one like last year, in February...I asked my doctors if the stones would come back and they said not for a few years yet but doctors aren't always right. They were back by Sept and they were big, its now June 09 and I keeping peing like theres no tomorrow so I need that operation a-sap. It's the day before a modul resit exam for maths but I guess that I'll just be handing in a doctor's note because to be honest there is no way I passed maths this year anyway. I wonder how long the doctors will be removing stones before the kidney actually fails-its only my right kidney because left doesn't work anymore but even then its not brilliant, it never has been but it nearly failed last year after the operation.
People think I don't scared but I do. I'm not Super Woman, they must think if you've been there before you can make it through-no worries-the next time too but that's just it; I shouldn't have to go through this again, it's not natural-it's life. I have deal wth it and move on because if I preyed on it then I would end up miserable all the time. No-one would want to talk to me. I'm not that person but I do feel like I'm just faking my smiles and positiveness more and more lately. There are certain people who will really make my day and I can't stop thinking about one of them right now-no matter what else is going in my head, in my life he will always make me smile. I rarely see him and I very very rarely hear from him but I can talk to him and relax, not expect a couple dozen problems, any constant bitchiness and moaning, or negative view on everything I say. Like he's not just talking to me to hear some advice or for someone to listen to him but because he wants to talk to me. He doesn't know just how much I like hearing from him and I didn't realise it either until I saw a myspace comment from him...I commented him to let him know how much he helped me with some media csw and my grade all thanks to him-it's been quite a few weeks now but I half gave up on a reply and then he sent me one, I was feeling pretty crappy about something when I first read it but I swear it really made me feel better. I totally appreciated it
And you know wht on that happy note I'm going to call it a night now that I've just watched the sun rise, I think I'll get some sleep now...gotta be up in like 3 and a half hours to do some painting on wall.
Anyway Goodmornining DA
Have nice day
Yeb
xxxxx